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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Citizen Editorial


South Euclid Oversight received this editorial from a South Euclid citizen who wanted the Sun Messenger to publish this anonymously.  Knowing the credibility of this individual, SEO is happy to oblige.
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It’s time for the “No on 96” haters to quit accusing First Interstate Developers of not telling the truth. The 1,589 of you that liked the “No on 96” Facebook page just don’t have the information that the 27 people that liked the “Yes! Issue96” Facebook page do. Let’s examine the facts. We need more retail in South Euclid. If the exciting rumors are true, we’ll have access to TWO Wal-Marts within a 3-mile radius. Take that Beachwood; you don’t even have one Wal-Mart. Nothing attracts solid residents and a sense of community more than superstores. All you have to do is look at the bustling, thriving retail centers like Severance Town Center, University Square, and Cedar Center. That’s proof that no shopping center in this area has empty storefronts. Have you seen the new dollar store that opened in Maymore Shopping Center? That’s going to draw lots of new residents.

You better believe First Interstate will help to create jobs. Great jobs! Take Wal-Mart for example. Who wouldn’t want to make a median income of $17,762 (from glassdoor.com) while earning a 10% discount on quality, Chinese-made merchandise? With another $4588 of earnings (maybe you could sell drugs), you’ll almost reach the national poverty line for a family of four. If this is any indication of the type of big-box jobs we can expect from First Interstate, they’ve got my vote. After all, it’s not like there’s an international movement occupying the public eye in regards to distribution of wealth. Let’s make First Interstate richer. It doesn’t cost you anything--just like the green space that will accompany the shopping center. Nothing relaxes me more than spending a sunny afternoon under the trees adjacent to a large asphalt parking lot.

Finally, let’s commend the forward-thinking leadership of South Euclid. They understand that the solution to aging citizens, a declining population, and financial hardship is not through quality schools, excellent city services, decreased city spending, controlling city salaries, or creating incentives (rather than penalties) to upgrade the housing stock. They know that the future is…SHOPPING! Forget all you’ve heard about this crazy “online” shopping fad. It won’t last. Brick and mortar retail is strong, like the United States Postal Service. Let’s meet for coffee at Borders to talk about it.

The visionary leadership of our fair city purchased the Greenvale 9 houses for $1.6 million and then got an even better deal of $200,000 to knock those unsightly things down. They have purchased a Harley Davidson for the police force so they’re no longer cramped in awful squad cars during the long Cleveland summer. They paid consultants $40,000 for a study that recommended anchoring Cedar Center with a Bob Evans. Thanks to that outside-the-box thinking, we won’t have to settle for a second-rate breakfast served by IHOP 2.5 miles away.

As you can see, the city of South Euclid is stepping into the future with innovative and creative solutions to our problems. Follow us into the 20th century!



4 comments:

Garry said...

Outstanding!!

I gotta admit, you had me at first.

Anonymous said...

DAMN,
I MEAN,,,HOT DAMN,,,,,,
BEYOND 'OUTSTANDING'.
ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING!
I CALL THIS 'POETIC JUSTICE'.
THIS IS THE ATTITUDE,THE WRITING,
THE 'HEART',THE 'CRAFT',THE ARTISTRY OF WRITING AN OPINION THAT MAKES A POINT,WITHOUT OFFENDING,WITHOUT BIAS,
A CLARITY WITH HUMOR,AND SENSIBILITY
THAT IS WHAT WE ALL DESIRE AND NEED NOW.

Anonymous said...

JOE,
GOTTA' BE JOE,,,,,,,,,
NO,,,,,,,
TOO GOOD.....

Anonymous said...

Now you know why the SM wouldn't print it ;)

Many thanks to SEO for putting this up for me.

And thanks for the kind words, Super Cappy.

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